I have not loved
like I wished,
any of my wives
and girlfriends
and best friends
and strangers.

Though there was always
compassion
and joy
and delight
in their beauty and grace
and passion,

there was also
always a neediness,
in the same sense
that I needed a cigarette
or a drink
or a thing
that reached me out to them

to fix me up,
and smooth me over,
and give the rush
or the comfort
or whatever the hell else
was needed
at the time.

Today though,
it ain't like I'm all better or anything,
but not being any worse
is good enough
for now.

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